On Being Hard Femme

Let me start off saying I have always found labels problematic. Whether it's been gay, straight, femme, butch, or what have you; I never wanted to be put into a box. I was one of those girls in high school who when asked to define my sexuality, I purposefully said "I'd rather not."

But in recent years I've come to see the power in some labels (emphasis on some). Let me rephrase myself again, I have come to see the power in self proclaimed labels. I am happy to label myself queer and femme to name a few (words you will see used in excess on my blog). That being said, I don't support the assholes walking down the street who feel they have the power to label whomever they chose. For me there is a real power in self labeling. It enables me to freely express who I find myself to be. It also allows me to add or drop a label at any time I see fit. 

My first encounters with the terms butch and femme had left me with a stale taste in my mouth. When first "entering" the queer world, I found them to be alienating and limiting. I felt, as many do, an immense pressure to conform to one or the other. How could a community who thrives off of nonconformity be pushing me into more boxes? I didn't define myself as either, but femme was thrust upon my lipstick-wearing long-haired self.

I was introduced to the term hard femme by my friend Lilly a year or two later. She's a fellow queer with an affinity for muddy fields and floral dresses. We both didn't want to deal with assumptions about gender roles in our relationship, didn't want to shave our legs, got dolled up to go out, and were forces to be reckoned with. Hard femme? That sounded more my style.

HARD FEMME-

Not to be mistaken with the typical femme, the "hard femme" describes herself as "queer", is political, looks more feminine than masculine, and if prompted, can kick some serious ass. She doesn't need to "wear the pants" in a relationship- the hard femme rules with a dress. She not only despises the gender binary, she works to dismantle it. 

(^Seems urban dictionary got something right for once.)

This is what being a hard femme means to me:

• As my partner puts it, "i'll kick your ass and leave a red lipstick mark."
• I challenge stereotypical constructions of femininity
• I wear dresses with studded combat boots 
• I wear baggy jeans with heals
• I'm not defined by my gender, but do embrace it

So while I realize labels such as femme can be limiting and problematic,  I support those who ch0ose to align themselves with a certain identity. I individually choose the label hard femme. It's a way for me to express myself. And if you have a problem with my self expression, just remember, I can kick your ass.